


disney got it all wrong

by mysticpendragon



Series: the fam group chat universe [6]
Category: Fam Group Chat Universe, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bi Disaster Henry Mills, Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gen Z Fairytale Kids, Granny's Diner (Once Upon a Time), Group Chat Fic, Hook can't use technology to save his life, Instagram, M/M, Magic Love Fudge, More chaos coming later, Post-Season/Series 06, Social Media, This fic is sponsored by Granny's Diner, Wish Realm, Zelena is Fabulous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29580567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticpendragon/pseuds/mysticpendragon
Summary: DavidNolan: Totally. Id know what I would do if you left the family :sad_emoji:ReginaMills: This isn’t Discord, Charming.ZelenaIsFab: Id...?DavidNolan: Like idk, but I spell the know out.SnowWhite: @EmmaSwan call archie i need to get a divorce___The people of Storybrooke take to social media and text messaging. Now that's a recipe for chaos if I've ever seen one.
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan, Grace | Paige/Violet, Henry Mills/Peter Pevensie, Maleficent & Ursula & Zelena, Prince Charming | David Nolan/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard
Series: the fam group chat universe [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1622644
Kudos: 8





	1. get the charmings off of social media

**Author's Note:**

> do i have a million other ongoing fics to work on? yes. did i have fun writing this? yes. do i have regrets? nah. regrets not rlly my thing. also this is set after season 6 en joy

**< SnowWhite created the chatroom: Charming-Mills Clan>**

**< SnowWhite added EmmaSwan and 4 others>**

**SnowWhite:** hey guys!

 **ReginaMills:** ...Why?

 **SnowWhite:** everyone else in storybrooke has one except for us

 **ZelenaIsFab:** i’ll have you know that i’m in at least seven other gcs

 **ReginaMills:** wait does that mean you have friends

 **ZelenaIsFab:** yes

 **ReginaMills:** those people have poor taste

 **DavidNolan:** ROFL.

 **EmmaSwan:** dad no one uses ‘rofl’ anymore except for old people

 **DavidNolan:** Hahaha I’m lol.

 **SnowWhite:** david please stop embarrassing me in front of regina and zelena

 **ZelenaIsFab:** don’t worry just his very existence is embarrassing enough to me

 **ReginaMills:** I hate to agree with the wicked bitch, but i have to

 **DavidNolan:** rude

 **EmmaSwan:** Can I please be related to someone else

 **SnowWhite:** awee emma! i hope we’re not embarrassing you! ^^ uwu

 **DavidNolan:** Totally. Id know what I would do if you left the family :sad_emoji:

 **ReginaMills:** This isn’t Discord, Charming.

 **ZelenaIsFab:** Id...?

 **DavidNolan:** Like idk, but I spell the know out.

 **SnowWhite:** @EmmaSwan call archie i need to get a divorce

 **EmmaSwan:** On it

 **DavidNolan:** WAIT SNOW NO

 **ReginaMills:** SNOW YES

 **ZelenaIsFab:** i thought you didn’t hate the charmings anymore...?

 **ReginaMills:** Ehh I’ll make an exception for today

 **EmmaSwan:** you know what i just realized

 **EmmaSwan:** this is the ‘charming-mills’ clan and the only actual charming-mills isnt here

 **ReginaMills:** what

 **ReginaMills:** OH SHIT SNOW YOU FORGOT HENRY YOU DUMB BITCH

 **SnowWhite:** oh no uwu

 **EmmaSwan:** that’s it, anyone else in town can be my parents now

**_< SnowWhite added HenryMills to the chat.>_ **

**HenryMills:** why i’m already in like 30 of these

 **SnowWhite:** family time!!

 **ZelenaIsFab:** I’d rather gouge my eye out with a rusty fork than play twister with Snow White and Prince Charming

 **ReginaMills:** it’s actually not that bad

 **EmmaSwan:** Don’t lie to yourself Regina

 **ReginaMills:** okay it is bad

 **SnowWhite:** It’s not that bad!!

 **DavidNolan:** yes it is, you dont get a vote snow

 **ZelenaIsFab:** LMAOOO

 **ReginaMills:** ouch

 **EmmaSwan:** Wait before we continue let’s pause and establish where we are in the timeline so that the readers don’t get confused

 **ReginaMills:** Breaking the fourth wall this early, Ms. Swan

 **EmmaSwan:** It’s Mrs. Swan now, Madam Mayor.

 **ZelenaIsFab:** ✨ sexual tension ✨

 **DavidNolan:** SKSKSKSKSKSK

 **EmmaSwan:** you did not just do that!!!

 **ReginaMills:** Anyway, poor unfortunate readers, we ate at Granny’s as a family last night. Rumple and Belle were there. The Final Battle happened a few weeks ago.

 **EmmaSwan:** b-but what about the season 7 crew?

 **ReginaMills:** ehhh im sure they’ll show up

 **EmmaSwan:** ok sounds gucci to me. 4th wall breaking time over

 **SnowWhite:** Does anyone want to try some homemade fudge?

 **DavidNolan** : Surprisingly it’s actually pretty good

 **SnowWhite:** surprisingly?! BITCH take that back

 **DavidNolan:** ... okay it’s a little soggy and it could use less sugar

 **EmmaSwan:** So is it good or not??

 **SnowWhite:** Just taste it

 **ReginaMills:** Emma you try it first it might be poison

 **SnowWhite:** why would i poison you?

 **ReginaMills:** idk, maybe as revenge for when i poisoned you

 **EmmaSwan:** If you think it might be poison then why are you making me eat it???

 **ReginaMills:** ok fine zelena you eat it

 **ZelenaIsFab:** I’m already on my fifth one. You are missing out!

 **EmmaSwan:** ... how the fuck

 **ZelenaIsFab:** Oh, I overheard Henry on a call with his crush. They’re at the loft which is why Snow made fudge. I, of course, being fabulous, invited myself and Robin over for fudge and

eavesdropping.

 **HenryMills:** I knew you were up to something

 **ReginaMills:** wait crush??

 **EmmaSwan:** kid are you on a date???

 **EmmaSwan:** aww thats cute

 **ReginaMills:** Wait crush?? I thought you were with Violet??

 **HenryMills:** things didnt work out :(

 **ZelenaIsFab:** Oof

 **ZelenaIsFab:** Sorry was that the wrong thing to say

 **ReginaMills:** everything you say is so im not sure why you bothered to ask

 **SnowWhite:** If Zelena, Neal, David, Henry, and Peter finish the fudge in the next five minutes, I’m not making another batch.

 **EmmaSwan:** OK IM COMING OVER

 **ReginaMills:** PETER PAN???

**Instagram**

**reginamills, swansavedu,** and **385 others liked this**

 **therealhenrymills** just for the record, i am not dating peter pan. first of all, he’s in superhell. second of all, he’s my great-grandfather

 **reginamills** Good

 **swansavedu** can you imagine if you were

 **–– therealhenrymills** @swansavedu why

 **peterp_** wait ppl actually thought i was peter pan??

 **–– therealhenrymills** @peterp_ I mean your username is Peter P

 **–– zelena_the_fabulous** @peterp_ P-PETER PARKER???

 **–––– deadpool69** @zelena_the_fabulous Wrong fic, honey

 **zelena_the_fabulous** Not your moms doubting your taste in people!

 **–– therealhenrymills** @zelena_the_fabulous smh ikr

 **bellegold** How do you even date someone who’s in superhell??

 **rubylucas** WHOA i am so out of the loop kid you’re dating now???

 **–– therealhenrymills** @rubylucas yea lmao

 **grannysofficial** Show this comment to a Granny’s employee for half off your next romantic dinner date!

 **–– peterp_** @grannysofficial nOT GRANNY’S SELF-PROMOING ON YOUR POST-

 **captainguyliner** help how do i turn on caps lock and also how do i change my username i want to be called sexy.pirateh00k and also where is the delete button

 **–– swansavedu** @captainguyliner babe if you change your name to that people are going to think that you’re a porn bot

**Queens of Darkness**

**FabGreenWitch:** Guys I have ✨ tea ✨

 **BadassDragonBitch:** do tell

 **SingingSeaWitch:** About who

 **FabGreenWitch:** Snow and Charming

 **BadassDragonBitch:** okay, you’ve got me hooked...

 **FabGreenWitch:** So I tried some of Snow’s fudge today and suddenly I felt like being overaffectionate?? Henry and his new crush ate it too, and they were being all cuddly during their movie

 **SingingSeaWitch:** ok what does it mean

 **FabGreenWitch:** Trouble in paradise for Snowing maybe?

 **BadassDragonBitch:** Oop

 **SingingSeaWitch:** This is not exactly the most riveting news, but I’ll take this over Cruella ranting about all the Karens she wanted to kill but couldn’t

 **FabGreenWitch:** rip cruella

 **BadassDragonBitch:** Wait she put love potions in her fudge?

 **FabGreenWitch:** possibly

 **BadassDragonBitch:** That’s weird

 **SingingSeaWitch:** Hey, we shouldn’t judge what other people od in the privacy of their own homes

 **FabGreenWitch:** true, true

 **FabGreenWitch:** well, i’ll keep you posted

**Storybrooke Class of ‘21**

**HenryMills:** Is anybody going to use that Granny’s promo in the comments of my last post

 **DashParr:** i wish

 **DashParr:** brb gonna get a bowl of ice cream

 **VioletMorgan:** oh i thought she was joking

 **PaigeHatter:** hell yea free food

 **VioletMorgan:** who are you going with tho??

 **PaigeHatter:** idk, might ask a pretty girl

 **VioletMorgan:** whoever she is, she’ll be really lucky

 **PaigeHatter:** wanna grab granny’s with me

 **VioletMorgan:** AHSDFHSHF I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT ME

 **NickZimmer:** lmao that was rlly smooth paige

 **MoanaMotunui:** Can I take myself out on a romantic dinner date I just want the discount not the romance

 **HenryMills:** we can go as friends and just tell them we’re together

 **NickZimmer:** dude the comment is lit rally on a post about you dating peter no one’s gonna believe that

 **HenryMills:** oh yeah right

 **HenryMills:** sorry moana

 **MoanaMotunui:** Hakuna matata

 **VioletMorgan:** on an unrelated note why the fuck are we singing songs to bluebirds for mrs. charming/white/blanchard/whatever’s class and also what are you guys singing

 **HenryMills:** lmao i forgot you cant call her grandma

 **HenryMills:** also idk probably something mother mother

 **PaigeHatter:** don’t lose ur head from six

 **MoanaMotunui:** How far i’ll go from that completely inaccurate movie they made about me

 **PeterPevensie:** kiss the boy by keiynan lonsdale

 **HenryMills:** ASDFHSFHSH PETER

 **NickZimmer:** baby shark

 **AvaZimmer:** if you actually do that i will fucking kill you

 **AvaZimmer:** also im p sure she wants us all to become disney princesses

 **MoanaMotunui:** Oh then can I be excused because I already am one :/

 **HenryMills:** lMAOO

 **MelodySummerfield:** kiss the girl

 **MelodySummerfield:** get it bc the crab sings it to my mom and dad in their also completely inaccurate movie

 **HenryMills:** wait how are you our age again?

 **MelodySummerfield:** idk and i dont want to know

 **PaigeHatter:** lmao violet you should sing wap

 **VioletMorgan:** NO WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT

 **PaigeHatter:** c h a o s

 **MoanaMotunui:** gonna log off before hei hei can eat my laptop

 **PaigeHatter:** lmao bye moana

 **HenryMills:** sing despacito

 **VioletMorgan:** i hate yall, bye

 **AvaZimmer:** we love you too vi!

 **DashParr:** im back what did i miss??

 **AvaZimmer:** dude arent you supposed to have super speed or smthn

 **DashParr:** i forgot!! also mom made me do the dishes

 **AvaZimmer:** lmao f in the chat for dash

 **HenryMills:** f

 **PaigeHatter:** F

 **NickZimmer:** f

 **PeterPevensie:** f


	2. hello darling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MrHyde: I see we’re breaking the fourth wall already.
> 
> CruellaDeVil: bitch the people in the doctor who fanfiction already did that
> 
> PeterPan: Oof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the fastest ive ever added a plot to a crackfic

**Charming-Mills Clan**

**ReginaMills:** So Snow. Rumor has it that you spiked that fudge with love potion

**SnowWhite:** i did not!

**SnowWhite:** Ok maybe just a little bit

**EmmaSwan:** isnt that illegal

**SnowWhite:** only in harry potter

**SnowWhite:** besides, it only makes your feelings stronger. it wont make you fall in love with anyone

**ZelenaIsFab:** No wonder why I couldn’t stop eating that fudge. It’s my true love xx

**ReginaMills:** i thought hades was??

**ZelenaIsFab:** He’s been dead for a few years and he tried to kill my family. If I weren’t over him yet by now I’d be concerned

**HenryMills:** guys can you not text when i’m in class

**SnowWhite:** ... you’re texting too!

**HenryMills:** yeah but it’s your class, what’re you gonna do, make me hold hands with holden caulfield and sing kumbaya

**SnowWhite:** good idea!!!

**ZelenaIsFab:** LMAOOOO

**ZelenaIsFab:** get rekt henry

**HenryMills:** i hate you now she’s making me hold hands with holden caulfield and sing kumbaya

**ZelenaIsFab:** good for you

**ReginaMills:** Are we just going to ignore the fact that Snow is making magic love fudge

**ZelenaIsFab:** As long as she makes more, yes

**EmmaSwan:** yeah i feel like there are some ethical considerations to be had there

**SnowWhite:** Emma, it’s magic fudge, not a full blown love potion

**ReginaMills:** who did you even get that spell from??

**ZelenaIsFab:** Wasn’t me

**SnowWhite:** Blue gave it to me

**ReginaMills:** that shady bitch

**EmmaSwan:** Wait Blue gave you the magic fudge??

**SnowWhite:** yeah

**EmmaSwan:** I thought she was supposed to be some paragon of good and prudishness???

**ReginaMills:** Blue is a prude but only when it’s convenient for her

**ReginaMills:** Just ask Tinker Bell

**EmmaSwan:** do i even want to know

**ZelenaIsFab:** Probably not

**ReginaMills:** I hate to agree with the green witch, but yes

**ZelenaIsFab:** i’m not green anymore!!

**ReginaMills:** Maybe on the outside, no

**SnowWhite:** this is why i made the magic love fudge

**ReginaMills:** What the hell are you talking about??

**SnowWhite:** well, everyone in this town is always arguing so i hoped maybe we could bond over magic love fudge and be happy

**EmmaSwan:** so… a complete opposite of the snow queen’s curse

**SnowWhite:** yeah!!!

**ReginaMills:** Okay, that’s actually pretty sweet.

**HenryMills:** it would also be “””pretty sweet””” if you could actually teach your class grandma some of us want to pass the english final

**SnowWhite:** ehh im pretty sure half the kids in the class are characters from books on the english final and the other half are fairy tale characters and/or related to fairy tale characters so just go share your life experiences or something

**ReginaMills:** Glad to know where our taxpayer dollars are going

**EmmaSwan:** regina no one in storybrooke pays taxes

**ZelenaIsFab:** I do

**EmmaSwan:** hate to break it to you but you’re just donating to regina’s retirement fund

**SnowWhite:** AAHSDSHDHSDH YOU DIDNT KNOW???

**ZelenaIsFab:** i just assumed that since this is the land without magic that we follow their laws

**EmmaSwan:** ehh its storybrooke no one even knows we exist

**SnowWhite:** wouldnt be too sure of that considering henry is getting internet famous

**Instagram**

**queenelsa** ,  **aspotter** ,  **and 812,961 others**

**therealhenrymills** tfw your teacher tells your class that the english final is about your life. no context

**holdencaulfield** If another one of those damn phonies tells me to hold hands with you and sing kumbaya i might just cast the dark curse

**jaygatsby** Whose life

**–– therealhenrymills** @jaygatsby uhh yours???

**avazimmer** Hey uhh Henry you know your instagram is public right??

**–– therealhenrymills** @avazimmer yeah why

**–––– avazimmer** @therealhenrymills means ppl from outside here can see your posts

**–––––– therealhenrymills** @avazimmer OH SHIT

**grannysofficial** Show this comment to a Granny’s employee for 50% off your next study session!

**–– rubylucas** @grannysofficial Granny please you’re embarrassing me

**–– peterp_** @therealhenrymills you, me, granny’s, study date?

**–––– therealhenrymills** @peterp_ aaaa yes

**nickzimmer** if the first passage is from hansel and gretel i am going to scream

**–– therealhenrymills** @nickzimmer lbr there’s like a 85% chance im related to someone mentioned on the test

**snowwhite** Did you want me to lie? Heroes don’t lie, Henry.

**–– therealhenrymills** @snowwhite except for when they’re putting their child’s potential for darkness into someone else’s baby and/or making magic love fudge that they plot to give to everyone in storybrooke

**–––– zelena_the_fabulous** @therealhenrymills Ouch you didn’t have to go that hard!!

**swansavedu** must be tough kid

**–– therealhenrymills** @swansavedu it is

**cruella.de.vil** Curse you and your stupid morality!

**–– therealhenrymills** @cruella.de.vil gtfo my page puppy killer

**Underworld Villains Support Group**

**CruellaDeVil:** I am once again being attacked by that pesky author

**PeterPan:** sucks to be you at least you’re not in super hell

**CruellaDeVil:** i will be if arthur has his way

**BlindWitch:** Are we talking about arthur the author of this fic or king arthur?

**CruellaDeVil:** … Both.

**MrHyde:** I see we’re breaking the fourth wall already.

**CruellaDeVil:** bitch the people in the doctor who fanfiction already did that

**PeterPan:** Oof

**Felix:** This group chat is useless.

**PeterPan:** then??? leave?????

**Felix:** That fiend on the other side won’t let me!

**CruellaDeVil:** what fiend?

**Unknown.Entity:** hey hens

**CruellaDeVil:** Oh god, first I die, then I can’t move on from here, now that wretched entity from the other fic is invading our good christian group chat!

**GregMendell:** nothing good or christian about a group chat full of dead villains who live in the greek underworld

**Hades:** Right on, mortal.

**Hades:** Also, I can see you all whining.

**CruellaDeVil:** didn’t you get obliterated by the wicked witch?

**Hades:** Nonexistence has good WiFi.

**PeterPan:** I don’t understand but go off sis

**BlackFairy:** eww, malcolm still exists

**PeterPan:** It’s Peter Pan now, Fiona.

**CruellaDeVil:** am I missing something here?

**BlackFairy:** oh, i’m dear peter’s wife

**CruellaDeVil:** you? bitch please

**PeterPan:** It’s true, unfortunately

**BlackFairy:** say that again and i’ll hit you where it hurts

**PeterPan:** I’m in super hell, how can it possibly hurt more

**CoraMills:** Haha I’m on Olympus and you’re not

**CoraMills:** Beat that bitches

**CruellaDeVil:** yes, yes, we know, no need to rub it in

**Hades:** Is this the universe’s way of punishing me?

**BlackFairy:** all the self pity is just bo r i ng

**Hades:** try me bitch

**BlackFairy:** i will, because you don’t exist

**Castiel:** i dont belong here

**Charming-Mills Clan**

**ReginaMills:** Guys, we have a problem

**EmmaSwan:** seriously???

**SnowWhite:** Henry’s gonna be happy if a villain makes us cancel the test so let’s defeat them as quickly as possible. who is it

**DavidNolan:** damn someone’s eager

**EmmaSwan:** let me guess it’s yzma

**ReginaMills:** No, she’s in another realm

**EmmaSwan:** yzma is real too???

**ZelenaMills:** This group chat is made up of the Evil Queen, the Wicked Witch, Snow White, the pauper from the Prince and the Pauper, the author of reality, and the literal second coming and yzma is the most surprising person to exist??

**SnowWhite:** LMAOOO ROASTED

**EmmaSwan:** ouch mom

**ReginaMills:** it’s cruella

**EmmaSwan:** I thought she was dead???

**ReginaMills:** She is

**SnowWhite:** Maybe I’m slow but if she’s dead then how can she be here??

**ReginaMills:** two words: wish realm

**EmmaSwan:** Oh hell no

**ZelenaMills:** Mind catching us up??

**ReginaMills:** emma made a wish to not have been born the savior back in the first half of season 6, my evil half had aladdin grant the wish, and then it sent her to a universe where i never cast the dark curse, full of other versions of us.

**ReginaMills:** now that i think about it the entire plotline of our show is so convoluted sksksksksk

**DavidNolan:** So you think it might be a wish realm cruella??

**ReginaMills:** Yeah. Makes me wonder though how they could’ve gotten here

**EmmaSwan:** wait. regina

**EmmaSwan:** if wish cruella can be here then can’t wish henry be here too?? you know, the one who wants to kill you because you think you killed his grandparents?

**SnowWhite:** wait what

**EmmaSwan:** Oh yeah, wish realm you and Dad are dead

**DavidNolan:** uhh what

**ReginaMills:** I thought they were fake so I killed them because I needed Emma to wake up

**SnowWhite:** and now wish henry hates you??

**ReginaMills:** Yep. As far as the wish realm people think, i’m still the evil queen

**ZelenaMills:** Sounds like a big other world problem

**EmmaSwan:** Well then. let’s do this

**SnowWhite:** good luck guys!

**SnowWhite:** sadly i have to prioritize this science/math/social studies/english/whatever the fuck it is i teach test over saving storybrooke from alternate versions of villains we’ve faced before from a world where i’m dead

**DavidNolan:** oof

**ReginaMills:** Can I wish that the Wish Realm was never a thing????

**Author's Note:**

> will there be plot? maybe. will i reference/crossover with my doctor who and mcu groupchat fics? perhaps.


End file.
